Pushing through (And it's already February?)

This year is flying by already.  I cannot believe that it's already February.  Next thing you know, it'll be June. (And I'm okay with that.  I means summer vacation, warmth and sunshine, and likely a beach vacation.  Yespleaseandthankyou.)

I decided to ditch the nursing idea.  The amount of work I'd have to do just to possibly be accepted into a program just doesn't seem worth it.  Plus the years of schooling to follow don't seem appealing.  So, I'm just pushing through.  I suppose I'll stick this out as long as they'll have me.

In some personal news, I am having a very hard time dealing with some recent information.  To put it all out there, we've been trying to conceive for over a year now.  My husband did some testing earlier this week, and his count is super low.  This is incredibly depressing for various reasons.  I have always wanted to be a mother.  I used to want ten kids (before I started teaching and before I realized how expensive it is to have that many kids!), but I'm come down to a reasonable 2-3.  Heck, I'll even take one.  With this news, even one may not be possible.  I know there are things that may help (We see a specialist next this month to explore our options.), but I'm pretty sure all of the procedures are super invasive, and I don't know if I could handle it all. (I'll write later about my self-diagnosed anxiety.)  If it came down to needing a sperm donor, I don't think my husband would ever agree to that.  The only person he would consider using is his brother (which I would actually be okay with), but again, the invasiveness of it all disturbs me.  *Sigh*  I don't feel like talking about this any more right now.  I just hope that there's some kind of hope for us.  It's the only thing I've ever really wanted in my whole life.

In the meantime, I continue to push through the days, trying not to be down about life or work.

-D