Sick

I've had a terrible cold for three days now.  Well, it started on Sunday, really, when I woke up with a sore throat.  I thought it was just dry air (I haven't pulled out my humidifier yet. Too lazy.), but then Monday morning I went into work feeling sick to the stomach.  20 minutes later, I left work to come back home.  I think the stomach sickness was partially due to some antibiotics I took. (I get to that in a minute.)  I guess they weren't joking when they said to take it with food to avoid nausea.  Anyway, I came home, felt icky, went to the doctor (again, back to that later), came back home, and basically had a full-blown cold.  Tuesday morning, I woke up at 4 and knew that I wasn't going to make it to work, so I called in.  I was really hoping that it would blow over, but this morning I was so stuffy and congested that I had to call in again.  I'm not feeling much better at this point (and by much better I mean not at all), but I know that I'll have to suck it up and go to work tomorrow.  After the 3rd consecutive day, they can start asking questions and pushing me for documentation showing I was sick. I definitely don't want to waste money on a copay just for them to tell me that I have a cold and there's nothing they can do.  I'm pretty sure it's just a cold and not the flu, as I have no body aching, no nausea, just a constant back-and-forth of stuffiness followed by runny nose followed by stuffiness.

So, as for the antibiotics (bleck).  I was on a three-day course for a procedure I was having done on Monday.  It was for something called an HSG (hysterosalpingogram), a test to check to see if there are any abnormalities/blockages in my uterus and fallopian tubes.  The good news is I'm totally clear and the procedure only lasted about 4 minutes.  The bad news is it hurt like hell (I'm talking the worst 4 minutes of my life) and the antibiotics made me feel ill.  But now that it's over, we wait on a few more tests on my husband, then maybe we can figure out how to make a baby. (Well, through IVF, obviously.  I guess more so when not how.) Dealing with a one person issue should be much easier than a two person issue.  He meets with a urologist in two weeks.  Hopefully the doc will be able to identify the issue (and hopefully it's a correctable one).  I'll keep my fingers crossed.  Cross yours for me too, por favor.

Commenting failure

Why aren't my comments posting on anyone's blogs??  I swear, I'm reading, and I'm trying to comment, but none of my comments are going through. :-(  What to do??

Pushing through (And it's already February?)

This year is flying by already.  I cannot believe that it's already February.  Next thing you know, it'll be June. (And I'm okay with that.  I means summer vacation, warmth and sunshine, and likely a beach vacation.  Yespleaseandthankyou.)

I decided to ditch the nursing idea.  The amount of work I'd have to do just to possibly be accepted into a program just doesn't seem worth it.  Plus the years of schooling to follow don't seem appealing.  So, I'm just pushing through.  I suppose I'll stick this out as long as they'll have me.

In some personal news, I am having a very hard time dealing with some recent information.  To put it all out there, we've been trying to conceive for over a year now.  My husband did some testing earlier this week, and his count is super low.  This is incredibly depressing for various reasons.  I have always wanted to be a mother.  I used to want ten kids (before I started teaching and before I realized how expensive it is to have that many kids!), but I'm come down to a reasonable 2-3.  Heck, I'll even take one.  With this news, even one may not be possible.  I know there are things that may help (We see a specialist next this month to explore our options.), but I'm pretty sure all of the procedures are super invasive, and I don't know if I could handle it all. (I'll write later about my self-diagnosed anxiety.)  If it came down to needing a sperm donor, I don't think my husband would ever agree to that.  The only person he would consider using is his brother (which I would actually be okay with), but again, the invasiveness of it all disturbs me.  *Sigh*  I don't feel like talking about this any more right now.  I just hope that there's some kind of hope for us.  It's the only thing I've ever really wanted in my whole life.

In the meantime, I continue to push through the days, trying not to be down about life or work.

-D

I'm already falling behind and considering my options

Blogging is always difficult for me.  I tend to forget about it, as it gets buried in my ever-growing pile of things to do.

In all fairness, I've been up to stuff.

I've spent the last week seriously researching alternative jobs.  I thought a lot about doing a nursing program.  There are several different tracks to pursue.  First, I considered becoming a Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN), which I could do in a 10-month certificate program.  The pros? It would only be 10 months of not working (I'd still have to pay my mortgage, but I can't work and go to school for any of the programs in my area.), I could become licensed and start working immediately, I could quit my teaching job.  Cons? I can't start this coming year because I would have to retake 3-4 prerequisite science classes (Even though I have a BA and MAT, science classes older than 5-10 years do no count for most programs.), I'd have to take and pass an entrance test in the next two weeks (While I'm absolutely confident I'd pass the Reading/Writing test with flying colors, the math and science practice tests scared the crap out of me.), and I'd have to somehow gather official copies of my high school diploma/transcript (Yes, this is actually a requirement. No, they don't care that I already have advanced degrees in other fields.) and my college transcripts.

Another option would be a direct-entry BSN/MSN program (for people with a Bachelors in a non-nursing field), in which I could get a Bachelors in Nursing in 2 years and spend one more year getting a Masters.  I would be licensed as a Registered Nurse after the 2 years, then I could be a Nurse Practitioner a year after that.  Pros: Most RNs are hired only with a BSN, so I'd have a better chance of getting a job; I'd have two Bachelor degrees and not have to spend 4 years getting the second; I'd get that 2nd Masters in just a year after that.  Cons: So much more money to spend; I'd spend at least two years not working, which means I'd have to rely completely on my husband to pay our mortgage; I'd have to take out more student loans (Hopefully my old student loans will be paid off by December of this year.); and I'd still have to take 3-4 prerequisite courses before I could be admitted to the program.

I was all gung-ho about this transition into LPN, but after attending an information session earlier this week and talking to the program director, it might be biting off a lot more than I can chew right now,  and like I've mentioned, I'd have to take so many courses to even be considered.  The Direct-Entry would be the best way to go in the long run, but my mortgage won't pay itself.

*Sigh*

So now it's back to the drawing board.

I guess that this point, 9 years into teaching, I might as well suck it up and stick with it, no?  Except now I also have to worry about meeting the requirements to renew my license by December 2015.  Which probably means taking more courses anyway.  Seriously, they don't pay me enough to take graduate level courses!

Yesterday, after talking with a friend/co-worker about my stress-level and feelings of disappointment, I realized that maybe the reason I'm so disillusioned and depressed about teaching is because I actually wanted to be a teacher.  Many teachers in our school are teaching because their previous plans didn't work out. I actually wanted to do this, trained to do this, hoped that I would make a difference in the life of a child.  Maybe that's why all of the b.s. that comes along with it stresses me out and annoys me so much.  When you have/ had a passion for something and then everything and everyone involved seems to make your job much harder than it should be, you get frustrated and lose hope.  Maybe that's my problem.

"Stop caring so much," is what people tell me.  How do I turn off my care button?

I guess until I figure that out, I find other things to do to make me feel better about life: Exercise, wine, and reading.

Before I forget

I'm exhausted, but I just wanted to stop in and write down some things I'm thankful for before I forget them.

 Today, I'm thankful for

• My snowblower
• My husband's willingness to use said snowblower while I stay indoors
• My wood-burning fire place
• A great gym workout
• SUVs with 4-wheel drive
• People staying at home, allowing me to easily make (and then change) dinner reservations
• Friends who spontaneously sent me a text asking me what I'm doing tonight and then following through by joining me for dinner
• Making it to and from the restaurant safely despite the still snowy/icy highways

It was a nice, relaxing yet productive day.  I'm already loving 2014.

-D

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Happy birthday to me!

Today's my 32nd birthday! Happy birthday to me!  (And happy new year to you!)

Today I am grateful for

• ice skating with a friend
• two more days of vacation due to the impending snow storm
• the fact that I cooked dinner last night and don't have to cook tonight
• cuddling with my kitties and husband.
• warm tea
• another year

Since it's New Year's Day, there is/was a lot of talk about resolutions.  I don't really make resolutions, as I use to make them and then forget what they were shortly after!  I think last year I made a decision on about January 4th that I would lose weight.  I was at an all-time high, and I just couldn't stand it anymore.  Having to buy new pants every week was getting really old. (I hate shopping.)  My husband and I decided together that we would lose some weight, and we stuck to it.  As of today, I am about 42 lbs lighter, and he's 60lbs lighter.  We know we don't want to go back to that starting weight, so we will continue to work on this and stay accountable.  

Thus far, I haven't had anything jump into mind as something that I should make my personal goal for the year.  Here are some things that I could probably work on, but I don't want to put too much pressure on myself.

• staying positive/ stop being negative
• being on time for work
• doing more fun things
• reading more
• watching less tv
• intensify my workouts
• blogging more
• choosing joy

(It's going to be hard to watch less tv.  My husband and I watch A LOT of tv.)  Again, these are things I could work on, but will I?  That remains to be seen.

What will you work on this year?

-D